This article is a compilation of little-known information about cats and knives. And we’re not talking about sharp knives, but mere kitchen utensils like forks and spoons. Surprising to many, a cat’s motivations for attacking or defending itself with a knife are not rooted in their heritage as predators in the wild. Cats surrounded by knives are not apex predators that hunt down their prey, wrapped in nothing but the fur on their backs. Cat surrounded by knives are a domesticated species, and they have the same motivations and reactions to an attack regardless of the weapon. This article will explore one such cat’s personality, its motivations and reactions, as well as what knives are best suited for a cat surrounded (pun intended) by kitchen cutlery.
Before we start this exploration of little-known facts about cats and knives you should know that this article is meant to be humorous. Any resemblance to actual events or people is purely incidental (not really). Our story concerns one particular cat surrounded by knives with a name that doesn’t quite roll off the tongue: “Draco”.
Draco’s Story
Draco is a cat surrounded by knives. He has no other name because he never had a name (and he hates it when people call him “Spot”). And for the sake of clarity, Draco is not the cat that was involved in the original Cat O’Nine Tails case. That poor creature was never properly named, though some called it “Mittens” because of its front paws. No one really knows where that name came from. Maybe one of the cops had a weird sense of humor? Either way, Draco has only heard rumors and urban legends about Cat O’Nine Tails, and he doesn’t find any of them interesting enough to discuss (let alone read).
Secrets About Cat Surrounded By Knives Only A Handful Of People Know :
1. It’s not a cat, it’s a cat boy.:
Draco has been known to speak in the third person about himself. He does this quite a lot, often when no one is around. He calls himself a “cat boy”. When he does this it can be very disturbing (to him). If Draco says “I” instead of “me”, or uses phrases like “I’m going to do this thing or that thing” or “I am going to do that thing”. It’s definitely not him talking – he’s just reading off someone else’s script. Draco has even pretended to be the voiceovers in certain movies he loves (“The Grudge 2”). Some cats like to pretend they are human characters, too. After all, it is to their advantage to pretend, since humans are much easier to get along with than other animals.
2. Names:
Draco hates having a name or a human-type name. He’s been known to refer to himself by his street designation (“Draco on 2nd Street”) and by various trademarks of his products and services (like “Dracosoft” for software). He also has been known to wear hats, which often have large, bright colors (like yellow or green) and unusual shapes that add strange round features like eyespots or cat ears. These are Draco’s signature style of headwear.
It’s not that Draco doesn’t like having a name. He loves it quite dearly, and has even been known to get into “names fights” with other cats when he overhears them calling out names or other words that are also part of his surname. Draco also is quite proud of his family name (Draco). It is a silly name, but he doesn’t have a problem with the added ring of importance that comes with it. No-one calls him “Waldo”, so it must be alright, right?
3. Knives = Food = Love:
As you can see in the picture, Draco is surrounded by a whole bunch of knives. You might be surprised to hear him say “I love knives”, but that’s only because you’re not a cat. According to Draco, the only thing he loves more than knives is food (and probably his pet fish and turtle). Since he was a young kitten, Draco has been known to grab a dish of food from anywhere he can. However, it is not unusual for him to refuse human food as well. This is partially explained by the fact that when humans feed him his meals he may very well poison himself and die (Or kill them in an act of revenge).
4. Advice for all you people out there:
If you, your significant other, friends, family members, or all of society in general have cats who surround them with knives and hurt them, here’s some advice to save yourselves the pain and trouble:
Never let a cat around knives again. Its personality is not a good match for the knife-wielding species. Try not to get divorced if one of these guys gets out of hand. Humans aren’t very good at identifying a serious problem before it occurs.
