This Potion Does Not Contain Valerian Springs

As your drinking partner in crime, I want you to know up front what I’m going to say next. It’s not just any old potion, but one that you should never ever drink. It didn’t taste like anything before it went down and made me feel really bad.

I woke up the next morning feeling so loopy and had terrible headaches for days afterwards that I spent a good chunk of time wondering how someone could be so stupid as to put valerian springs in something they were planning on drinking. I smelled it, thought it looked kind of weird and wondered if someone had put a magic eye patch on my head.

Do you know what potion does not contain valerian sprigs?

I was in a very dark place for a while and I spent the better part of the next day in bed trying to recover. I figured that if I could find some kind of good explanation for what had happened, I might be able to go back to normal once again. You’d think there would be some kind of reasonable explanation but you’d be wrong.

Here some points are discussed-

1. There’s no Valerian in this potion.

It probably got a bad name because of that misunderstanding but it’s not one of them. It’s technically called a “valerian root” and I guess the people who made this stuff thought that the morning after effects you felt were kind of like the effects of valerian. Who am I to judge? The marketing and pictures might have been misleading but they’re accurate in what is in the drink.

I’m having trouble writing about this and I’d much rather be writing about something else but since you’re here, let’s get on with it. It just didn’t taste that good.

2. This Potion Has a Tongue Twister Name-Potion of Valerian Springs

The name comes from the word “valarion” which is a fictional word for a mythical creature found in the works of JRR Tolkien. We won’t go into detail on that or anything but the potion is meant to make you feel like the mythical creature. They know how to advertise but they need to get better writers because nobody can even read their ingredients list without getting all kinds of dizzy and confused.

Aside from that, what can I say about this stuff? It’s going to make you feel like you just took an eye patch off and you look a lot like the mythical creature they tried to invoke. You’ll be out of it for a bit and when you wake up, you’re just not going to feel well. 

It’s unpleasant in that sense but then again, everything about this stuff is unpleasant from the smell to the taste to the way it makes you feel afterwards. Like I said, why would anyone ever drink this stuff?

3. This Potion’s Ingredients List Is Very Misleading

I could probably write a whole article about it because of how misleading it is. I’m not sure if someone was trying to be funny or if they just wanted me to be confused but here are the ingredients- Sugar Cane Flavor Original, White Tea Extract Original and Valerian Root Extract Original.

I can’t comment on the other stuff, but obviously they put the “Original” in there because they knew I was going to find it interesting. They don’t tell you that these ingredients are used to make a flavor and a scent. 

Fruit salad and citrus flavors are made with extracts, floral perfumes are made with extracts, herb aromas are made with extracts and there’s no way that these ingredients were used in the cultivation of valerian root. The sugar cane extract is used to put a sweet taste in something and there just so happens to be sugar in this potion so apparently they’re using it for that purpose as well.

4. This Potion’s Manufacturer Is A Little Too Cute

This stuff was made by the company called Home-Brew Alchemy. The name of the company is really cute considering I don’t really feel like a wizard after drinking this potion. I just feel like I have a little headache and then I’m going to go back to sleep for a while. 

Here’s another reason why Home-Brew Alchemy doesn’t list any disclaimers on their website nor do they list contact information.

When you look at the ingredients on their website, they’re very nice to look at. So much so that a lot of people who’ve already drank the potion have gone out and bought more of the stuff in order to get more of those ingredients for themselves which is probably not a good idea because someone else will be getting very sick from drinking it.