Why DJ Sucks?

Tired of their diet and lack of nutrition, DJ’s can’t pronounce the word ‘nutrition’ as it comes out sounding like “nu-ti-ti-tooty”. They also have a hard time pronouncing the words ‘decrease’ and ‘increase’, so they say “deecreees” and “innyeeecreeeze”. As written in my mother’s dictation, they are completely unable to correctly pronounce the word ‘diarrhea’. DJ sound board also have trouble with articles where you need to put a capital letter on some but not all words.

1. DJ’s end sentences with ‘so’ when it sounds like ‘sad’

DJ’s use the following sentence structure: “I love my so-and-so so much”. This is how they close their thoughts, which at first may seem cool, but by 3 A.M., when they are trying to sleep, you can hear this sentence dying as it echoes through their heads: “I love my sadness so-and-so(tenderly) much…”

2. DJ’s can’t say the word ‘no’ clearly

DJ’s have a hard time articulating the word “no”. It comes out like “no” and then “nuh” and then it gets quieter and quieter each time, a lot like the sound of a dying generator. It’s easy to discern if a DJ is saying the word ‘yes’ because it sounds like “yay”. Other times DJ’s say the word ‘yes’ but it sounds more like “yeees”.

3. DJ’s use words that aren’t medical terms

DJ’s can use terms correctly when applied to their own bodies, but they have little understanding of general anatomy. When pressed for a definition, these DJ’s try to define body parts using non-medical words like ‘tummy’ or ‘dugout’. They also use the word ‘boobies’ for breasts, which is funny in the movies but not so funny when you are looking at a scary looking breast that is 15 times larger than your head.

4. DJ’s can’t say ‘tumor’ or ‘mole’ correctly

I have heard DJ’s say they have a “mole” tumor on their body. They swear to God they used to be able to pronounce these words properly and now they can’t. When they are examined by medical staff, the DJ’s are delightedly shocked to learn that no tumor or mole exists on their body.

5. DJ’s can’t say ‘spitting out’ or ‘tooting out’

DJ’s use a different word for the two terms. They say “the-south” and “to-coot-taw”.

6. DJ’s can’t tell if you are coughing or sneezing

If you sneeze, DJ’s will tell you to stop because it makes them think of things like “ha-ha” and “pee-pee”, but when you cough something comes up from your body, it makes them think of words like “things” and “duh duh dah dah”. DJs don’t warn people about coughs so nobody knows to be careful.

7. DJ’s can’t draw the lips correctly

When making a face to make fun of a person, DJ’s can never get the lips right. They can never remember how long it should be or how wide it is supposed to be, so they make them really big or really small and then laugh hysterically when someone asks them what is so funny.

8. DJ’s can’t say ‘branch’ properly

DJ’s refer to branches as “brand s” with an extra ‘d’ in there for no apparent reason except that it makes them laugh when they say it out loud.

9. DJ’s can’t count to four

As written by my mother: “They say to six instead of four and three instead of two.”

10. DJ’s say ‘th’ instead of ‘s’

As written by my mother, DJ’s try to make an S sound but it comes out as a “thhh”, so they keep trying over and over again until they think they have it right. It takes them a few minutes but then they throw back their heads in laughter when they say the word again just to hear the ‘thhhh’.

11. DJ’s make other people feel bad

DJ’s are masters of making other people feel bad by making fun of them, even though they themselves are feeling fine. When DJ’s laugh at you, they make you feel like you were the one who was farting in church and so they keep laughing until the person in front of them feels embarrassed.

12. DJ’s have no sense of time

As written in my mother’s dictation: “They tell me that there is no difference between night and day for them.” They also miss a lot of days at work, claiming to have “a cold”.

13. DJ’s can’t say ‘always’ or ‘never’

As written by my mother: “They tell me they always wash their hands and then I see them with dirt on their fingernails.”

14. DJ’s can’t say ‘thanks’ or ‘thank you’

DJ’s sometimes use the word ‘thanks’, but they are not very good at it; when they use it, it comes out more like “thanks” or “thanks”. As for saying “thank you”, it is not something DJ’s ever do as they feel like people should be thanking them for all the things that have been done for them throughout their life.

Summary:

DJ’s are strange people. Their speech impediment is not as bad as it used to be, but it is still something they will always have to deal with throughout their life. If a DJ wants to learn how to properly pronounce certain words, they should watch the movies in the Dumb & Dumber series, and if you think the first one was funny then the second one is even funnier. Furthermore, DJ’s need to take their medications and take care of themselves better in order to avoid expensive medical procedures that can be avoided using simple hygiene and nutrition measures.